As I examined the prompts for this assignment, I thought to
myself “I gotta say, these are some pretty packed questions.” But I did write my Common App essay on the subject of my gender identity, so I’m slightly familiar with writing about the topic.
I’ll start with the context that I’m a feminine presenting nonbinary
person. I wear feminine clothes and makeup, I don’t bind my chest, I have longer hair, etc. And when most people associate being nonbinary with androgyny, which makes it that much more difficult for those of us who don’t fall within that “script” or stereotype. Binary gender is so ingrained within modern society that people can’t see past physical appearance and make assumptions about other people’s gender to feel secure about their own place in the world, because anything besides boy or girl is uncomfortable and unfamiliar.
That being said, when I first came out to my parents, I think they took it as a joke. They didn’t really take me seriously and continued to use feminine terms for me despite my adamant protests and feelings of discomfort towards them. Eventually though, through lots of conversations about it and constant corrections any time they slipped up, they began to respect my identity. They aren’t perfect and still slip up every now and then, but I don’t expect them to be. The concept of a nonbinary identity is new to them, and with all new ideas, it takes time to meaningfully understand and adjust. Their unwavering love and support towards my identity is what really matters to me, as I know that many young queer youth don’t get the same support.
My friends were and still are very considerate and respectful of
how I identify and do their best not to misgender me. The rest of the world, however, is a different story. Whenever I talk to people I haven’t come out to and they refer to me as a “girl” or “woman,” I feel this deep sensation of discomfort start to form in the pit of my stomach. But because we “do gender” all day everyday, specifically binary gender that structures around the exclusion of anything that doesn’t fit within the categories of man and woman, I’ve given up on correcting the people who misgender me on a daily basis. It happens so often that it became exhausting to explain myself to random strangers, not to mention that there’s no way of knowing how they’ll react and if it will put me in danger.
But nevertheless, I persist and move forward with my life. I have
the support of my friends and family and I have hope that identities like mine will slowly but surely become more normal as time goes on. They can’t ignore us forever (hopefully)!!
